EDIT – For some reason WordPress deleted this post so it is being re-posted. Apologies.
“You, uhh…have no squat racks…”
“We have Smith machines. They work just as good.”
“I noticed no pull up bars either…”
“Oh! Off to the right there you’ll see some Lat Pulldown machines. They’re designed better.”
“….right…uhm, what is that?”
“That’s the no judgement button! Here at Planet Fitness, we strive to maintain a positive exercising environment by…”
“Thanks…I think I’m gonna go…”
This was pretty much the conversation I had with the attendant working at Henrietta’s new Planet Fitness in SouthTown Plaza. I had decided to go visit after doing some research online for possible Summer jobs. This gym opened up just a couple of weeks ago, and I figured it might be okay to check out. My research brought me to their website first, where I found this:
I was in shock. No weight dropping, grunting, or chalk. How could this be? Now I totally understand the argument against it and I agree it can be obnoxious at times. But when you see the super tanned, beer bellied, “new haircut” pricks screaming their asses off from shoulder shrugs, you simply giggle to yourself and go on your merry way. Apparently this is intimidating to some.
I had to see this for myself. So yesterday I took the time to waltz my way over to their location to assure myself it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Boy was I wrong…
Upon entering my ears were hit first by god-awful techno music that was roughly equivalent to the sound of nails scraping a chalk board. I took a glnce over to the workout area to my left, and immediately snapped my head back. I was going to leave, but the wonderfully perky attendant behind the counter had already spotted me. I’m going to refer to him as Tad.
I walked up slowly, introduced myself and stated my reason for being there. All I wanted to do was look around. He offered his “services” for a full tour and I quickly declined. Off I went to explore this crazy world of yellow and purple.
The first thing to catch my eye was what appeared to be an endless wall of cardio equipment: bikes, treadmills, ellipticals, everything you could want and plenty of them! I was in a cardio nightmare. The opposite wall literally barfed television and each machine had its own pair of headphones. Next was the weight machines. Literally, there was one machine for every single muscle in the body. Tricep push downs, tricep extensions! I kid you not, there was probably a weight machine designed specifically for the anterior deltoid, only. The further I walked, the worse it became. I rounded a corner only to come face to face with my arch-nemesis: The Smith Machine!!!
The spawn of the devil
Only one of them was being used by a misguided, significantly overweight gentleman who was quarter squatting what seemed like 350+ pounds on his toes. I kept walking to find two…let me repeat…two benches and one set of dumbells. The dumbells stopped at 65 lbs and there were only a pair for each weight. I felt insulted. But this hit was immediately overshadowed by what I saw next:
Behold! The Lunk Alarm!
I kid you not, they actually use this. When you grunt, drop weights, tap dumbells, or anything else that may draw attention to you, Tad will merrily make his way over to you, press that button and tell you to stop being a Lunk. I had to get out of here…
After my very brief follow up with Tad, I simply turned around and walked out the door. I still have no idea how something like “fitness” could become so misguided, and this experience was by far the worst example I have ever seen from a “globogym.” It left an awful taste in my mouth and the following day I went back to my gym and did a Fran where I huffed and puffed, grunted when the weight got hard, and encouraged others to do the same.
Sadly, those people who continue to fund Planet Fitness may never understand the continuum they are now trapped in. You simply cannot baby a person to better health or fitness and when society realizes that, well, the world might be a different and better place. From the words of Ronnie Coleman, “Everybody wanna be a bodybuilder, but nobody wanna lift no heavy ass weights!” As little desire as I have to be a bodybuilder, Ronnie’s statement remains true.
A short insight: The fitness industry continues to rake in billions and billions a year by exploiting this key character flaw amongst many in our society. Everybody wants to have a 6-pack and everybody wants to look like a model, but the drive to attain this goal is non-existant. So they keep up faith that there is a way to cheat and make it there without staring at that 300 pound barbell, getting under it, and squatting it. I urge you to be different.